Worthy
by Snowsheba
Summary: FFIV. Kain was never unaware of what he'd done under Golbez.


**Let's just say I needed to be spurred into writing this. I don't know where it came from, and I don't know if it's any good - but it's here, so I thought I might as well.**

**Spoiler alert to those who haven't beat FFIV. Consider yourself warned.**

**I don't own FFIV or any of the characters.**

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Golbez had taken over his mind twice.

Kain fought the influence, always, with limited success. The first time, in some twisted way or another, he's managed to get through the black curtain of darkness on his mind only to watch, horrified, as Rosa disappear under a sweep of Golbez's cape. Then the darkness had pushed his spirit back into whatever corner of his mind it reserved for him, and he was stuck once more, fighting to free himself.

In some way, he was glad to have Rosa near him during that first time, using her presence as his reason to keep fighting, despite the fact she was to die if Cecil did not come fast enough. When he was tired of trying to push back the black curtain, he prayed for Cecil's safe and quick passage, even as his body sent Sandy, Mindy and Cindy to hamper the other man's progress.

He was fighting the darkness again when Golbez was struck with Tellah's Meteor. The dark curtain withdrew so quickly that, as he threw himself at it, he actually pitched his real body forward, striking the ground in an ungainly heap. He reflected how good it was to be control of himself as he had stood up.

The next time he knew what was coming as he followed Cecil deeper into the Sealed Cave. He could feel the darkness closing in, and his body was fighting his control. Kain did not, on any account, to be confined back into his own mind, so he fought, sometimes surfacing with complete control, sometimes losing it. Their new friend, the ninja Edge, noticed all of it without saying a word. And when they finally exited the Cave, a sudden flood of power swept over him, and he felt like he tumbled head over heels back to the corner of his mind.

And then he watched, horrified, as his body lunged forward and stole the Crystal from Cecil – his best friend, who had forgiven him once. As his body ran, he wondered, would he forgive him twice?

Perhaps, once he got the chance, he should simply kill himself and save his friend – and Rosa, dear, lovely, beautiful Rosa – the trouble. He was not worthy of their affection, he knew, when he regained his body once more and as he watched his companions, along with their new friend Fusoya, enter the Giant of Babil. He had rushed to catch up to them, using his jumping ability to travel quickly from floor to floor.

He would not allow Golbez to enslave his mind again, he knew, as he led them to the safety of the Lunar Whale as the Giant fell. The feeling of hopelessness and the confinement – in his own mind, even – was enough. Even if no one believed him or trusted him, he would not let them fight without him. He owed to them, and himself, to see to the end of Zemus.

Worse, when he should have received distrust and anger from his friends, he received forgiveness once more. Cecil and Rosa were much too kind. Kain knew the sins he had to atone for, even if they did not, and he would not have been angry had Zeromus killed him in the final battle. At least the Eblanese ninja treated him accordingly, making him bear the blunt of his sarcastic comments and often being the butt of them, while the girl from Mist also kept her distance.

He knew he did not deserve to see his friends' happiness once Zeromus was finally gone. That was why, upon returning to Baron, he took the Devil's Road to Mysidia and, from there, fought his way to Mount Ordeals. Perhaps, once he had tempered himself to greater strength and spirit there, he could return, free of the darkness in his heart. It did not matter how many years it took. Kain was sure that, if need be, he could stay there for the rest of his life.

Perhaps then, he could be worthy of being a friend to the great Cecil Harvey and the beautiful Rosa Farrell.


End file.
